


Weight

by Ittybittytinypaws



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, If you're going to be triggered don't read this please, Mild Self Harm, One Shot, Protective Alex Danvers, Short One Shot, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 23:37:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17395871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ittybittytinypaws/pseuds/Ittybittytinypaws
Summary: Alex carries the world on her shoulders.





	Weight

**Author's Note:**

> Hey humans, this is just something I needed to put down. I don't think that any form of self harm is a good coping mechanism, so please don't think that I'm promoting that in any way. This is just part of my own story. If anyone is having this struggle please to talk to someone you trust and of course my inbox is always open.

A dull thud echoed through the room. 

Followed by another, steady, creating a rhythm.

Alex sat on the floor, with her back leaning against the wall and her knees pulled tight to her chest, staring straight ahead. The room was dark and the tile cold underneath her, the only comfort was in the constant thudding noise, grounding her. 

She had been sitting there since she got home, unsure of exactly how long ago that was, but her back was starting to ache so it must have been a while. 

A dripping noise coming from the drain snapped her from her thoughts, blinking she rolled her shoulders back hearing a light crack relieving some aches from the day.

One last thud rang out before the noise stopped. Alex stilled her closed fist against the floor, she could feel the small cuts that formed there along with the bruises and beginnings of swelling on her knuckles. 

She stretched out her fingers feeling the stiffness in them, relishing in the dull ache that accompanied the movement. A single tear fell down her cheek, surprising her, she was certain she had cried them all out by now. She wiped it away and took a deep breath taking comfort in the quiet that surrounded her and settled in her chest, resting her head on the wall she started to mentally gather herself. 

The events of the day rushed over her again.

She had lost a member of her team, she was responsible for them, they turned to her to be strong, to lead, to protect them.

Alex tightened her fist and slammed it into the ground again, pain shooting through her hand and up her arm. 

The pain gave her control and control is what she needed right now.

It was a reminder, a physical grounding feeling that she could press into to tame the darkness that sat in the bottom of her heart threatening to consume her. 

Everyone seemed to need something from her. They needed her to take charge, to make decisions, to carry the burden. She felt like Atlas, punished to have the world sitting on her shoulders; it felt like if she lost her footing her world would crash to pieces around her.

So every once and while she cracked, just a little - only a little - because any more than a crack and she was certain she wouldn't be able to pull herself back together again. She needed these moments, her and pain were old friends at this point.

Alex slowly got up from the ground, feeling exhausted, she needed to fix herself up before Kara got there. She was sure that Kara would be blaming herself for the agents death and she would need to reassure her, she would take the blame, her sister may be bullet proof but she was incredibly fragile.

She flicked the light on in the bathroom, blinking to adjust to the sudden brightness of the room. Looking at herself in the mirror the damage was minimal, it had been a hell of a fight and she was sporting a cut lip and bruise on her cheek.

Splashing some cold water on her face, she glared at herself in the mirror, "It was your fault.", she said out loud to her reflection. 

Her jaw set and a chill ran down her spine, "It was your fault.", she repeated with more force. 

Alex closed her eyes as she ran cold water over her left hand, feeling the sting when the water flowed over her injuries.

The lock clicking on her front door signalled Kara's arrival. Alex looked in the mirror one more time squeezing the edge of sink, steeling herself. She just wanted to not exist for a while, to just stand there forever and let it all pass her by. 

Walking out of the bathroom to greet her sister she set her face, fixing it with a more relaxed look and a tight smile hoping the exhaustion didn't bleed through. 

Alex had her moment to feel it all, to let it slip between the layers of her carefully constructed walls and hit her, now it was time to be strong for her sister.

To be the woman Kara thought she was.

To be the woman that stood strong and unwaveringly next to her, always.

As Alex walked out into the light of her apartment she felt the darkness take a back seat, she would never let her sister see the cracks below the surface. There was a light inside of Kara that should never be dampened. Her sole job has been to protect her sister no matter the cost.

She crossed the room and enveloped an upset Kara into a hug.

"You're okay, this isn't on you. It was my fault.", Alex cooed into her ear, rocking them slightly back and forth.

Alex squeezed her injured hand closed behind Kara's back letting the pain ground her before repeating, "It was my fault.", making sure Kara really heard her.

Whatever the cost, the price was worth it.


End file.
